Saturday, August 19, 2017

When love making hurts and what to do about it-Sasyghana

3:01 PM 0

They said there was nothing wrong with me. Gynecologists. Gastroenterologists. Even a lung specialist. They ran tests — CAT scans, X-ray’s, blood labs, you name it — to rule out tumors so big as to cause severe pelvic pain during sex.

This was the route I — and thousands of women — go through to find an explanation as to why sex hurts. Why we feel tight and shut down with a person we love. Why we can’t find sexual pleasure (or orgasm).

Each test and positive affirmation that there was nothing wrong with me sent me further down the spiral. I wished — hoped, prayed — that there was something wrong with me. Because that something could counter what was dominating my mind: that I was broken as a woman.

Painful sex didn’t just ruin my sex life, it ruined my marriage and my life. I avoided touch that I craved (long after my marriage ended), in fear that it would lead to “more” — and more I could not do. Feeling alone and ashamed, I pulled back — first from my husband, then from any potential sexual partners. I stuffed my emotions, disappointment and anger, instead channeled my energy to shopping, cooking and baking (and the eating that followed).

Most of all, I felt that my body for betraying me, failing to perform when I needed it to. So I had disconnected from it. I had pushed it away.

Little did I know that I was actually betraying my body.

Somewhere along the journey of being the wife I was supposed to be — the woman who pleases and is a pleasure to her husband — I had lost connection to myself.

I had stopped listening

I had stopped listening to my body: what it wanted, what it needed, what it found pleasurable. Too often, I choose what he wanted, going at his pace. I felt less-than-courageous to ask to slow down, pay attention, give me the kind of touch that would arouse, stimulate, turn on.

I had stopped listening to my emotions. The resentment, sadness and disappointment I felt about sex being oriented towards his orgasm — I took a deep inhale, and I stuffed it all in.

Those emotions were telling me that something was wrong, uneven, unsatisfying, but I ignored the message. I packed the emotions in, growing more wound up inside, building up the tightness in my body that then created pain.

And lastly, I had stopped listening to my intuition, what I knew was true for me within.

My body wasn’t betraying me. I was betraying my body. I was betraying myself.

The wake up call came when I realized I wasn’t dealing with a medical problem — but a spiritual one.

Fast forward to today. This experience — and the beautiful journey of sexual discovery and opening that followed — led me to become an intimacy and sexuality coach and focus on women’s sexuality.

What I thought was uncommon as a newlywed, I now know is in fact very common for women. Too common.

As many as one out of three women experience painful sex. From mild discomfort to excruciating pain, tightness and pelvic pain during sex prevents women from enjoying themselves and their partners and it affects their lives.

In my coaching practice, I hear women share, sometimes through tears, other times in bouts of anger:

“I question if this pain means that I don’t deserve pleasure.”

“What if I am not meant to be a sexual person?”

“I feel so alone and lost.”

“Why is my body doing this to me?!”

“I want to be with my husband, and my body is betraying me.”

When sex hurts, it truly feels like the body is betraying us, holding us back, letting us down.

Pain during sex not only ruins the moment, it can have deeper consequences: fear of sex, lowered libido, and overall disconnect or loss of intimacy in a relationship.

When my clients come to me, this is what I tell them: Pain is your body’s way of signaling that something is wrong. And it’s your job to slow down and tune into what your body is telling you — and to heed its needs.

It’s not merely physical. And it’s not purely in your head either. It’s both.

The bad news is that we often train ourselves to close off to pleasure (creating tightness) with our thought, beliefs and actions. Our bodies react to our emotions and state of mind by tightening up, leading to uncomfortable experiences, which then evoke more negative emotions and self-talk.

The good news is that with some help, we can rewire our bodies to open up to pleasure, both physically and emotionally.

In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, I work with women who experience discomfort and pain during intercourse (and therefore cannot enjoy their sex life).

To help understand what’s happening “down there,” I am going to break down the most common psychosomatic reasons that contribute to painful sex and how to rewire your body to pleasure.

1. Tune into your body and listen

Our bodies speak in whispers and nudges, sometimes too softly to hear over the loud negative voices in our heads.

They signal what they need and what’s not right for us. Yet we are taught to disregard the body’s messaging system, overriding it with “but it’s not that bad”.

For most women, painful sex doesn't come out of anywhere. There is a progression.

Many women lose their natural lubrication when the sex they’re having is less than what their body needs, resorting to lube as a substitute. The use of lube, while helpful as a complement to natural lubrication, can often mask an underlying problem — that the body is not ready for intercourse.

It takes much longer for women to get ready, requiring much more physical stimulation all over the body and meticulous attention from her partner than most men (and women) realize.

And in today’s way of life, most women are running on empty, when it comes to pleasure, relaxation and space. Our bodies cannot afford a bout of intercourse because it might actually leave us emptier than we started with. When a woman dials in to what her body needs — and fills up on receiving what feels good to her — she quickly begins to see greater physical responsiveness.

2.Pay attention to what you’re feeling and telling yourself

When you experience pain in this tender and vulnerable area of your life, self-doubt, fears and self-judgement will undoubtedly creep in. Because sex isn’t just about sex — it’s about intimacy, identity, image, and relationship.

Negative thoughts and beliefs signal danger to our body. When we don’t pay attention and manage the thoughts that run in our head, the body literally lives in fear, responding by shutting down non-essential systems, including sex organs.

Beliefs translate into a body response, and it quickly becomes a vicious cycle. When we believe we’re in danger, our bodies close up. When we believe we’re not worth pleasure, our bodies tighten. When we tighten and it hurts, we create more self-doubt and fears.

The key here is not to ignore the fear — it’s there to protect you. Underneath the fear and the negative self-talk are real emotions — of sadness, disappointment and anger.

When I work with clients, we pay attention to what is happening and cultivate the inner wise voice inside, the one who knows what’s right for you. We ask “what do you want?” and listen carefully to the answer. We make “her” louder, so the fear can no longer derail her.

When a woman honors her emotions and connects to herself, uncensored, her body relaxes, opens up and melts.

3. Speak up

It’s not uncommon that the places where we’ve stopped listening to our bodies are also the places where we went silent.

And that silence — and the loss of intimacy — leads to the loss of safety in the relationship, which often has the body shut down further.

Women need safety to open our bodies — both physically and emotionally — to let our partners in. And we don’t take this seriously enough.

From asking to slow down, to guiding your partner to what your body needs, to saying ‘no’ to what doesn’t feel good — speaking up restores our power to honor and respect our body, creating deeper inner connection, relaxation and joy.

Painful intercourse is a mutual problem. When women bring in and involve their partners in finding solutions, intimacy grows, bringing couples not only pain-free sex, but an intimate connection that creates closeness, pleasure and joy.

"God is a wee smoker" - Ekow Micah

2:40 PM 0

In an interview with Akwasi Aboagye on Peace FM’s “Entertainment Review”, Ekow Micah said he smokes because the almighty God smoked.

Ghanaian Reggae musician Ekow Micah has stood his ground regarding his stance for smoking “wee”.
Micah referred to the Holy Bible and cited an instance where God smoked marijuana popularly known as “wee”.
In an interview with Akwasi Aboagye on Peace FM’s “Entertainment Review”, Ekow Micah said he smokes because the almighty God smoked.
He quoted Psalm 18:7-8 to buttress his point.
Ekow Micah acquitted and discharged over narcotics chargesplay
Ekow Micah acquitted and discharged over narcotics charges

“The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry”
“Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it”.
This news comes after dancehall artist Samini admitted to also consuming the illegal narcotic in the comfort of his home.
Ekow Micah further explained stating that,  “Wee” is food for Rastafarians, some prefer alcohol “akpeteshie”, but for me I prefer “wee” like how some people enjoy Cocoyam leaves (Kontomire)"
Ekow Micah was arrested, charged and put on trial for possessing illegal wee.
He was later acquitted and discharged by an Accra Circuit Court.

In 2015 Ekow was arrested by the Airport Police on August 4 over an alleged extortion case against Black Stars captain, Asamoah Gyan.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Singer "Dammy Krane" freed from fraud allegation

2:43 AM 0

The singer was seen rejoicing with his friends after the fraud allegation against him was dropped.

Nigerian singer, Dammy Krane, has been freed from allegations of fraud brought up against him in a court in the United States.

The pop star was arrested at his home in Miami, Floridabased on a reports of grand theft, credit card and identity fraud.
Dammy Krane's mug shotplay
Dammy Krane's mug shot 
(Instablog 9ja )

But the accusation became a thing of the past for the singer today as seen in a video posted on Instablog9ja's Instagram.
He was heard rejoicing with some company who chatted loudly about him beating the fraud allegation case.
Before his recent change in fortune, the singer had faced criticism from fans and some Nigerian celebrities who berated him for the alleged fraud.
Dammy Kraneplay
Dammy Krane in the private jet 
(Instagram/dammykraneofficial)ALSO READ: Singer apologises for Miami arrest
Many critics accused him of allowing his need to live a luxurious life push him to a life of crime.
All that now appear to be a series of unjustified accusation after being acquitted by the court. Dammy Krane went on to tweet about his innocence after the court case.

Female teachers exchange sex for food in rural communities - GNAT reveals

2:35 AM 0
Madam Victoria Affram said the female teachers who are posted to the rural areas have to be in amorous relationships with some opinion leaders

First National Trustee of the Ghana National Association of Teachers (GNAT) has revealed that female teachers posted to rural communities to teach engage in sex for food.

This, according to GNAT has affected teaching in the communities.
Madam Victoria Affram speaking on Accra-based Adom FM said the female teachers who are posted to the rural areas have to be in amorous relationships with some opinion leaders and some village chiefs.She said, because government don’t pay newly posted teachers on time, the vulnerable female teacher have to go through this in the village whiles others who can’t cope with the situation do not go at all.
She noted: "Some of these opinion leaders lure them with gifts and subsequently impregnate them and force them to become second and third wives. These lustful opinion leaders come under the guise of lending some support but with the view of engaging in sex with the teachers. Some of them get pregnant for the husbands of others leading to internal rifts between them and the original wives."

Madam Victoria Affram called on government to ensure prompt payment of salaries to newly posted teachers in rural Ghana to curb the situation.

"Some of these female teachers have no places to sleep…it is that bad that some even sleep on mats. In the end the teachers who are supposed to be role models turn out to do the reverse of what they are supposed to advise the teachers against.

"They are not given T and T and when they go to the village, they are accommodated by opinion leaders in the community who later make love proposals to them…many become pregnant later, are forced to become the 2nd and 3rd wives of the opinion leaders and lose their respect as role models for the young girls," she added.

I won’t feature Shatta Wale – Rose Adjei

2:27 AM 0

Gospel artiste, Rose Adjei, has said she will not invite any hip life artiste, including self-proclaimed Dancehall King, Shatta Wale, for any collaboration on her songs.

“What is he going to sing for me? It will be difficult for me to feature Shatta Wale,” she told Bismark Boachie (DJ Premier), host of Entertainment Capital, on Accra100.5FM in an interview.

The Ghanaian music industry has seen a few collaborations between gospel musicians and Hiplife artiste like Lady Prempeh (Gospel) and Asem (Hiplife).

Responding to whether she would like to do such a collaboration, Rose Adjei said she would not invite any secular musician but would accept an invitation from them to sing on their songs if only they will sing according to her lyrics and style.

“If he [Shatta Wale] invites me to feature on his song, I will honour the invite but I won’t give him a call to feature him on my song. I won’t,” she said adding that, “this is not to say I regard them [Hiplife artistes and Dancehall artistes] as worldly people. I chose to sing gospel and they have chosen their own genre of music.”

Rose Adjei further noted that although Hiplife artistes are friendlier than Gospel musicians, as a matter of principle, she will not invite any of them for collaboration.

“Hiplife musicians are one of the most loveliest and friendly people even more than Gospel musicians. You can get closer to them. They are open so I don’t have a problem with them but the reason why I said I won’t invite Shatta Wale is because he has his genre of music and I have mine. I did a lot of collaboration with other Gospel artistes who I feel are doing exactly what I’m doing. But if any Hiplife artistes want to collaborate with me, then it means he/she will sing it according to my style and my lyrics,” she stressed.

Rose Adjei has songs like “Judgement Day”, “Jesus Lives”, “M’ayeyie”, “Nsre Hey Hey”, “Lift Him High”, “Thank You Lord”, “Aseda” and “M’ayeyie” on her latest album titled “Judgment Day”.